i'm going fucking crazy

Upon waking this morning, i made sure to repeat the nights' dream to myself so as to not forget.
Amazingly, i still remember some of it.

In the dream i'm telling myself that i want to go to a bar after work. I even have one in mind
that does exist here in albuquerque. Anywho, i guess it's after work and i'm trying to get to this place, but the weird thing is that the city is a mix of los angeles and abq, with the buildings and the streets. As I'm walking to this bar, the place seems more like l.a. in that there are lots of people sitting outside of other bar places. All of these people were smoking cigs, which bothered me in the dream because i quit in real life. So throughout this dream i am being tempted to smoke a fucking cigarrette. I don't remember if i ever get to that bar, i just remember that i really wanted to go.

The previous night i also dreamt.

In this dream what i remember is that I, along with two other people, was chosen to be a part of this comic/art training, which seemed to be a big deal. Like it was an honor to be chosen or something. So i was super excited because i was going to learn things and possibly get some exposure. I guess we had to share some of our work so the blond sort-of-exotic girl goes first. She reads a poem she wrote. I was very shocked once i heard her stuff, to be in this group. I thought to myself, 'Is this a joke?" You see the poem was really nothing special. The only thing that was of note was her accent. I couldn't place it but it was very different. Anywho, after i heard her stuff i didn't know what to think of the honor of being chosen. We all had little notebooks and stuff and we had one dude who was the teacher dude, i guess. It almost seemed like a reality show. I never got to read my stuff. I did think about showing all the art things i've made though....the end.

maybe i watch too much reality t.v. maybe i want some recognition.....maybe i want to do stand up....who knows? i think this not smoking cigs thing might be getting to me. i'm glad it's thursday and that the week is almost over. i really really really want to get shit-faced....when will i drink again? who knows. anywho....that smoking dream really rattled me. blargh....should i just go smoke? i have some in the car...no rachel...NO. okay, got that out of my system.
))<>((