El Trip A La Casa De Pot

There's nothing I can do about anything, so why not laugh? I love laughing yo. I got to feeling this way because of one trip to home depot and because of the trip i took after. The latter was a head trip mind you but must still not be discounted. I needed to go to the home dePot to buy my bro-ham a gift card, it's his b-day yo. So my friend and I are in the checkout line, and wham, she begins, "I used to work at Home Depot," she says to the guy at the register. Let the games begin, it's on sucka'. Their little flirty banter continues and there I am thinking, 'great, once again i feel like the fucking bump on a log. I wonder if it's something about me that doesn't let me do that or if i truly just am uncomfortable with that type of interaction. Then i think, well why do some girls always have to do that shit? Does if serve a purpose? It makes it difficult for me not to think that people like these just want attention. Who knows, maybe i'm just jealous. When we leave the store i tell my friend i've been in this position before so i'm used to it. Then she's like no girl he was flirting with both of us....rrrrright.
Anywho while we're getting coffee and trippin' balls i tell her we should go to l.a. sometime to party it up. One of her first concerns is, "Will guys flirt with me over there?" Hmmm...let me think about that, probably. I was just a bit annoyed at this question. It reminds me of the ideas i had about moving to new mexico. Some friends used to tell me, yeah man, you'll find an awesome guy out there, and for a moment, i believed. But I guess the truth is that I feel like i won't find anything, anywhere. I feel like an unappealing bump on a log, at least to guys. Alone it's great, i'm fabulous, but i guess when i put myself in a group setting, the other girl always wins....I was going to end it at this but just typing that last sentence infuriates me...why the hell must it be such a competition and the prize always guys, guys' attentions....Are there any better prizes, cuz i'm over lame dick.

blargh-squared

As my title suggests, i'm in a funk. I don't think i've made enough progress here in new mexico and my relations with my mother are getting worse, or rather i'm making them worse. Last night for instance, while we were watching t.v. together (1st:Nova an excellent show about black holes, then Frontline with the topic being growing up in China) I kept hastlin' her to go to bed. You see, she kept falling asleep on the recliner. Of course she refused and i continued making my huffy sounds. She finally gets up and says, fine i'll leave, i don't know what you want to do that i have to leave but okay, i bug you...yadda yadda yadda. I'm such a bitch. I just want to be completely alone sometimes.
Anywho...i've been slacking off in all aspects. My room is atrocious. Whenever i enter my room i feel overwhelmed with crap. I just want it gone, most of it. I haven't done anything creative in a while and i think i've pretty much given up on being involved in anything. These things need to change. I didn't even wish my father a happy fathers day because it seems like this huge lie. One day of the year i'm supposed to be all cheery and shit. I think i am so far from what/who i used to be, it's incredible. Mein mother keeps bringing up how i no longer care for what she thinks because i don't do what she tells me to anymore. I think about it and for some reason i can't get down with that. the doing of things just because someone tells you to, because to one person this doesn't seem right. Is that what life is? It's these things that make me question my belief in God. I am a horrible person. I think that's the guilt talking.
In conclusion...fuck it...fuck it all, at least for now.
hopefully my next post won't be so funk filled.
))<>((

Rrrriiiip It!!!

Holy frugen-frag it's windy as balls outside. As you can see 'balls' has replaced fuck in this case. I notice that my m.o., when it comes to guys, is fairly predictable, to me at least, because i do it the same way every time. It reminds me of the Rilo Kiley song (Plane Crash in C):


"when its all the stupid things


so damn confusing to me


like talking it through


controlling my temper


like letting it go


saying please forgive me


or laughing at your jokes"


I indeed laugh at the jokes, even if they're not that great, but once it's fo' sho' that you and me aint happenin', i check out. The jokes are no longer funny. damn....i have to pee like a mofo. i shall take care of it. [PAUSE]

[RESUME]Where was I? Aww, yes, boys and being over them. I'm over 'the boy' now.