taking it back old school

Man i'm being hit by a wave of nostalgia. It's the music and the weather. Everything else is new and albuquerque related. Anywhozle, i'm listening to Alkaline Trio's S/T cd and the sky is brown/gray overcast, it just finished raining and it's windy. This would be so perfect if i was still living at Stardust. I could listen to these heart wrenching songs in the gloomy weather thinking of all my unrequited crushes...oh good times. Instead i'm here, eating my Kashi Vive w/blueberries and soymilk, wondering how much work will really get done today? I love procrastinating y'alls. I alread uploaded a shiz load of songs to my new and kind of whack mp3 player.

I dreamt again last night. I think this is the third night in a row. They are pleasant dreams but i still can't remember them. Chad decided to talk to me again. We are going to hang out tonight. I guess que sera sera, but i'm still not attracted to him. How can I be? I mean i've already hooked up with his cute/hot friend. I guess I'm looking for an assertive cute-ish dude. Anywho, yes, we're going to hang out and i'll see if he still wants to go to White Sands next friday. I still want to go. I still...lots of things..

Even though my clothes fit me better today, and my outfit is totes cute today, the number on the scale is still refusing to come down. That's cool. In retaliation i'm going to do the elliptical for 50 minutes today...what what...okay the end. Time to start my work...boo work...boo urns.

ps. i'm totes going to the coffee shop today. I'm prepared. Cute outfit=check, make-up in purse=check, no lunch from home=check. I hope i get in some words with scott....mmmkay? umkay.

pss. i'm totes trying to juggle 2-3 dude things right now...i love multi-tasking.

worse off than yesterday

this morning was just plain unpleasant. i woke up late-ish and got ready. i'm rushing out the door and once i get in the car my right eye-ball starts tearing up/leaking. i think i got lotion in there. so the whole drive to work i'm trying to fight against going to sleep and being able to see. i get to work and my boss decides to run on the air conditioning. i of course didn't bring a sweater today. i didn't bring much today except a bad attitude. so now i'm freezing and i'm mad at myself for daydreaming about the coffee-shop-guy yesterday while on my walk.
even as i was doing it i knew it was bad because there is no point in imagining things the way you want to them to go because they don't go that way. in my daydream adventures he turned out to be a glass worker/blower/artist thingy and he lived in his studio because he hasn't yet wanted to tap into his trust fund. wishful thinking right. after our first encounter of hanging out he asks me to marry him and i say yes...que cute right? right. so i spent 55 minutes walking the river paths playing out how it would be with him. i'm so glad he had money in this dream. so now i feel i'm being pulled in many directions. should i do anything about the whole chad situation? (i feel shitty about how things went down but how do i fix this?) should i even care about Homeboy? is he still alive? probably. Should i go to the coffeeshop today even though i went yesterday and i know scott is there? it's really hard to control myself in these matters. listening to Morrissey's Vauxhall and I is not helping. It only reminds me more of Scott...damn him and his hotness and his nice hair and his tall lankiness and his messed up teeth and his slight speech impediment. okay the end. i think i've expelled about 50% of the crazy.

i don't know what i need.

ps. my friends rule

MOTHER TRUCKIN TRUCKS AND STUFF

So things are picking up slightly today. We got a fab job to work on...yay, and i've spent a bit of time looking for an old file. Of course i didn't find it because the person who worked here before me didn't believe in being organized. Filing for that person meant stuffing papers into boxes. I know i should organize it all but just thinking of that task makes me not want to do it. I need to break it up into smaller parts. Hi, i'm rachel, welcome to my world. It's full of papers. super annoying. anywhozle...don't know what i'm doing for lunch today. I'd like to just get some subway and chill at the park. I should go walking because i pretty much stopped doing that but i really just want an Italian BMT....mmmm...salami. Maybe i shouldn't be about subway salami but i'll take it where i can get it....

speaking of getting it. i'm going to go crazy from sexual frustration. sometimes i just want to rape the new guy but i can't. i dont' think he'd go for it cuz then he'd want to be in a relationship and i don't want to. it may seem shallow but i'm not attracted to him. i kinda wish i was cuz he's a good person, but i aint.

man this Jitterbug Perfume book is really good. I think i'll try to read all of Tom Robbins now. This is my second book about aromatics...the first being Perfume by Patrick Suskind. i love smelling. it is the best. certain smells can be like time machines...they'll take you back, but you can't change anything. bus pollutants remind me of Guadalajara. Certain detergents remind me of hand washing clothes in mexico...posole or menudo reminds me of mexico. old books...well old things in general remind me of my old old neighbors and all of their knick-knacks. how fun...scent memories.

anywho, time to get back to work...now that i have it.

peace out suckers...(i'm the only sucker)

ps. i just remembered this but yes, yesterday on my way back to work, i happened to make a left turn onto Coal, and who do i happen to be driving behind? If you guessed Reggae-Man you are correct. That's like the 4th or 5th time seeing him. On the 10th time i should stop him and tell him to collect his free sandwich..or something like that.

martes

Apr 13 2009 3:55 PM

"i think i found another one. this time she has a brain!!! and a job and is independent as hell. its nice not having to pay for everything and have a women buy u a beer and a shot to take advantage of u."

new guy's words about me to one of his friends. this was in the beginning. now i have to think things through. he texted me last night to hang out and drink with him and his friend. i wanted to but i just got my dog back and i have to watch her and i also work super early. i guess our schedules just don't match up. it's the beginning of the week i can't be going out and staying up late. it's hard enough for me to wake up as is....but part of me does feel that if i don't do something more he'll lose interest. i mean, if he does, that's cool, but i kinda wanted to have some friends, you know?

anywho, it's tuesday...i'm still sleepy and now i'm hungry but i have to drink my tea before i can eat.

be progressive

be be progressive...and tell your mother you may have a boyfriend? not sure if this is the way to go. then her brain will get to churning and soon i'm going to get the 3rd degree.

i miss Fischerspooner.

i need to buy their record man.

my eyes are burning hardcore right now. i went to sleep very late...1:15ish am...without getting anything ready for today. i have 2 massive hickey's and 1 smallish one. now i have to wear this scarf all day and have my hair towards the front. i would say i feel like i'm in high school, but this never happened then.

looking forward to

here is a list of cheesy things i'd like to do with the boy. lets see what i can get done.

1. picnic in the park: comfy blankets, good food, razzle, reading out loud...oh my goodness i'm loving this cheese. listening to the birds...

2. semi-fancy night out...good food, crude jokes

3. hiking and razzling

4. listen to records and do crafty shit...

okay these aren't too bad...the end.

))<>((

so here i sit waiting for lunchtime. i feel somewhat giddy. it may have to do with the boy i met...probs. i just keep thinking about it buy i'm trying not to. i need to focus...focus rachel. okay, that didn't work.

hey i get to talk to fatty at lunch today. that's exciting news. her job is tearing us apart man...j/k.

i wonder if the boy remembered about burning me the new DCFC?