what a man, what a man, what a man, what a might good man

well, i don't really know if he's really that good, but boy did the memory of coffee-shop-guy come in handy today while i was at the dentist. i went in for my fifth root canal and this one turned out to be the worst so far. the root canal wasn't finished today. my tooth was opened, cleaned for about an hour, then left with medicine in there to see if the bump/swelling in my gums goes down. but yes, i was thinking about him while laying in that chair fighting to hold back tears. you can't really cry too well anyways when you have a dental dam all up in your grill.

i've been thinking about him lately, hoping that he's still there when i return to albuquerque. if he's gone...well i don't want to think about that. i need to start thinking about my life. being here in mexico is like being paused. it's almost the same thing everyday and i haven't thought about my future. i need a job. what kind? don't know. i should go back to school. i should do many things. i should make friends. the end. first thing upon returning will be to go see coffee-shop-guy.

the way i play it out in mind goes something like this: (may use for future script)
dude:heeeeyyyy...i haven't seen you in a couple of months. where have you been?
me: i went to mexico. after i got laid off i figured i go down and fix my teeth and visit family. it was nice...how have you been?
dude: i've been good but i missed seeing you around.
me: (blushing) really. i've missed you too. when is your break?
dude: in about twenty. can you stick around?
me: i always do..


and bada bing bada boom...there it is. it can go many places after that but preferable it would lead to hanging out or even better making out and holding hands and all that lovey dovey shit.

the end.

i know i am delusional.

it's raining it's pouring

the old man is snoring...

My first Peter Paul and Mary album had this song on it ("It's Raining"). A children's song. It's beautiful. I'm at work now

BASIC NECESSITIES
water
food
shelter
love
awareness

as i was leaving the gas station i saw a mother and child walking away from the station towards the main road. it's raining right now. they were wearing flip-flops. their attire looked a bit disheveled. i thought of baby Toribio. one witness said she saw him trailing his mom by a great length. his mom was walking ahead, leaving him behind. i thought of this because the little girl was following the older woman.

i really really really want to be around my nephew right now. i love playing with that boy. we were playing with an empy tin from a small candle and a small ball made of cork. he is sitting on my mom's bed and i'm next to it, leaning on it. i put the ball in the tin and balance it on my head. then i'd let it fall and act really surprised. my nephew liked this game. then he held the tin and i tried to throw the ball so that it landed in. we had so much fun with nothing. this boy doesn't need toys, he needs people to play with him...people to really engage him and be there. i love when i get home and he's there. Yarn-Ball is another game we invented. basically i have a small ball of yarn...i then ask him, "ready?" he says, "yes," and gets into position to catch, a few feet away from me. next i throw the yarn ball at him. if he doesn't catch it, there's a mad scramble to see who will get the yarn-ball. i never let go of the loose yarn end, so i try to reel it in before he gets it. then i spend 2 minutes winding it back up. i should write a book on entertaining childrens on the cheap. ooh ooh then there's the box sled. all you need is a box large enough for the child to sit in comfortably and a sturdy belt. you secure the top flaps away and punch a hole in one side of the box and loop the belt through. the child gets in and you pull him around the house. this game is awesome for the child but tiring for the one pulling. three times around the living room then i'm done.

that was fun. all that rambling. i'm getting emotional and it's right on time. as my weapon of mass destruction chart shows, the time is fast approaching for the monthly bleed. it's time for pms as well.

i am not a morning person when there are other people in the house. my mom woke up early and asked if i needed help with anything. i said yes and she started helping me with my food. of course something or other leads me to say some bitchy thing, or have some sort of attitude. then my mom asks me why i do that. why am i mean to her. the answers may be that i'm not a morning person and i'm a kitchen nazi. i like having my fruits and veggies "chopped" or "diced" a certain way. that's just the way it goes. if ever there came a day when this changed, i would be happy.

lets see...what else. oh yes, work is slow. the hours will be cut. fuck you economy.

oye pues

communicating through myspace
changing a status
without words
implied...our ties
which are?

no great loss
but should work on my ppl skills
need friends hardcore

where does one draw the line
how does one bring up something touchy
like i'm just not that into you
but want to be friends?
is this possible?

of course it's possible
think back to when it was done to you
several times

it never went well
my boner was too hard
metaphorically of course

in the event of emergency evacuation
make sure to delete delete delete