fb-revisited

wow...i just now had to force myself out of facebook because i was starting to get that feeling in my stomach, sort of like an aching. this is the feeling i get when i see too much of other ppl's lives and i think i want what they have. just looking at one picture of someone with a cup up to their mouth, out in the evening, gets me to thinking about the fun they're probs having. FB is not for ppl who can get obsessive, like me, for example.

i get to thinking: i want to be cute, i want to have friends, i want a boyfriend, i want this and that and a bag of baked chips, umkay. but how much of this do i really want? is my reaction pretty much programed...in the sense that my ego is quick to jump in and fuck shit up? i think so. i've been trying to maintain a drama-free life, and it's nice.

i know that eventually i will go batshitfuckingcrazy if i don't make friends, but for now i will live. maybe i'm rationalizing, but i think it's good for me to be alone right now. i think of it in the long run, like, if i can get along alone for this long, it'll build up my tolerance or something like that....idk. sort of like when i lived next door to the crack house...i knew that whatever came next would be a step up...and it was. so i guess, patience is what i have to learn.

the end...time to work