change

I got laid off this past thursday, right after i returned from lunch. I'm only a little sad. More relieved than anything. I guess life is telling me to go elsewhere, now i just have to decide. I will be going to Mexico pretty soon. My mom suggested I go and I can't turn down a trip to Mexico. I love Mexico. Anywho, i'll be doing that, then Cali for the wedding.

Hmmmm....so many things have happened from thursday to now. I was "that girl" thursday night. I decided to go out downtown directly after leaving work. Lets just say i got crunk. It was such a lovely time, the first half. I chatted it up with some randos and read tons of Bukowski. Lots of chill time. By the time my friends met up with me i was already 5 drinks down. Next came the bottle of rum that was snuck in, in a bag...some more drinks. Some ghetto dancing at the ghetto dancing place. Me walking out to go have a good cry on a bench. Calling friends and saying god knows what. Rejoining the group. Making out with chad in the streets. Falling in the street in front of the bar. No one laughed, i was told. Is this a good thing? whatevs...and later later other things. Freaking out my mom by not calling. Having her call work to find out i was laid off. Coming home eventually only to discover it's okay she saw it coming and now i'm off to Mexico soon. Will i razzle in Mexico...i hope so.

Tomorrow i need to resume with tracking my food and exercise. For reals, i have had way too many carbs today. I'm going to have chad meet my mom tomorrow because our trip to White Sands is still on.

I'm juggling too many things right now. I sometimes do feel like a bitch. I started lying. It's so easy to do...first one then another, then, oh shit i need to keep my story straight.

I wonder if i'm going with this new thing because i can't have what i think my heart truly desires. I know that you can never possess anyone but when i'm around a certain someone i feel a little crazy. I feel like i want to be with this person, but i can't. oh wells....

okay time for something else...razzle, painting, reading or sleep...or all of them. we'll see.

I've been going to the coffee shop and really enjoying my time there. I've been writing a series of poems. At the time they sounded good. Now i know i'm not a writer but as long as i enjoyed it. I'll post them later.