this morning was just plain unpleasant. i woke up late-ish and got ready. i'm rushing out the door and once i get in the car my right eye-ball starts tearing up/leaking. i think i got lotion in there. so the whole drive to work i'm trying to fight against going to sleep and being able to see. i get to work and my boss decides to run on the air conditioning. i of course didn't bring a sweater today. i didn't bring much today except a bad attitude. so now i'm freezing and i'm mad at myself for daydreaming about the coffee-shop-guy yesterday while on my walk.
even as i was doing it i knew it was bad because there is no point in imagining things the way you want to them to go because they don't go that way. in my daydream adventures he turned out to be a glass worker/blower/artist thingy and he lived in his studio because he hasn't yet wanted to tap into his trust fund. wishful thinking right. after our first encounter of hanging out he asks me to marry him and i say yes...que cute right? right. so i spent 55 minutes walking the river paths playing out how it would be with him. i'm so glad he had money in this dream. so now i feel i'm being pulled in many directions. should i do anything about the whole chad situation? (i feel shitty about how things went down but how do i fix this?) should i even care about Homeboy? is he still alive? probably. Should i go to the coffeeshop today even though i went yesterday and i know scott is there? it's really hard to control myself in these matters. listening to Morrissey's Vauxhall and I is not helping. It only reminds me more of Scott...damn him and his hotness and his nice hair and his tall lankiness and his messed up teeth and his slight speech impediment. okay the end. i think i've expelled about 50% of the crazy.
i don't know what i need.
ps. my friends rule
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