well, it's official. i have been rejected by the boy i was 'seeing', yet not really seeing. just when things start to get interesting this boy drops me like it's hot. wtf. i hate rejection, who doesn't, it's so earth-shattering. your ego takes a blow. you begin to wonder, "Why not me?" Well the answer i couldn't tell you, but i could come up with more questions. Is the type of guy i want out of my reach. i'm always attracted to the indie white dudes, but mayhaps they're not for me. so then i try to find other people and they're like ,"no thank you" as well. i'm trying to be okay with this. i'm trying to not think about being lonely. i'm trying to find some fuckin'....something.
anywho...i don't mind looking like a fool. i do it often enough to not care too much. i logged on to the site where i met homeboy, and what do you know, he logged on as well. so now i'm thinking i want to send him a message. how dare he avoid me. so i do, only to discover that he had already logged off. WTF. all the message said was that it's cool if he's not into me, but i would've appreciated it if he had told me with words, to my face, or ears, both. anywhozle...now my ego is feeling like fighting back even more. it does not want to be insulted but the votes are in and i lose. and that's cool.
maybe i need to be alone for a while longer. i really do want to find someone who i can BE with. be as in, no worries about image, about personality...about anything. who will appreciate and accept my baked goods?
oh wellz...i feel better now.
i have so much shit to do.
this is an excellent way to start my monday.
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