this morning

on the drive to work i listened to The Moldy Peaches. i love them...they are fun. they take me back to driving through downtown l.a. w/architecture peeps. oh how naive i was then...but anywho. i really like this song and this video i found is super cool as well. these girls look like fun. i'm loving the diversity as well....




When the world's got you down
Rainy Sundays, sunny town
Tropicana, canned foods
Botulism, damaged goods
See the hipsters in the park
Hair so styled, clothes so dark
Prefab molded hamburgers
I don't want a bite of yours

These burgers are crazy
These burgers are crazy
These burgers are crazy
These burgers are crazy

They don't like you, never will
They slip you the happy pill
Assimilation, so they think
Send you to the naughty shrink
You just tell him lies, lies
Paranoia, bugs and flies
You don't like them, never did
You don't like them, never did

These burgers are crazy
These burgers are crazy
These burgers are crazy
These burgers are crazy

.>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<.
I'd like to think of this song as a commentary on hipsters...yes. i dont' want those burgers.

phuket

i oscillate between wanting to do stuff and doing jack. a minute ago i violently wanted to paint and play with plaster....i just need to do it. maybe that's what's missing. my creative outlet. yes, i cook but i need to go back to making more things...the end.

plans

my bro asked me what i wanted to do on saturday, my b-day. i thought that was nice of him. i told him he could invite his friends to his house and we could drink, i guess. i don't want to go out to eat, because that would defeat the purpose of eating healthy. i guess w/drinking at home i could buy that lite beer. when i told him about the lite beer, he laughed. if this was 1 year ago i would laugh too. lord know i loved the drink, but like i said, the drink is better with friends, so this get together would be mostly for him to hang out w/his buds...and that's cool. i just wish he had single friends that i could feel up. i've got an idea....since it'll be my b-day, instead of them hitting me 26 times, maybe i can spank the cute ones...if there will be any...there's the dangers of alcohol...w/enough beer anyone is cute...

anywho, i just remembered that i bought a ticket to April's First Friday Fractal show....woo...
www.fractalfoundation.org ckeck it out yo.

who knows where the time goes?

besides being an awesome song by Fairport Convention, that's also an excellent question. Who knows? I don't. This weekend just wizzed by. I was able to go for a nice long walk on saturday. I hung out with the kiddos yesterday..that was nice. They leave for california this wed. to visit the grandma. I don't know how long they'll be gone but i'm going to miss them. I love having a nephew and a niece...they rule. the end.

Monday....blah...it's cold and windy here. I know that shouldn't stop me from walking but it will. I need to think of other things i can do for exercise on my lunch hour. Maybe things that i can do here at work, outside....maybe i can just go for a walk here instead of driving to the park. I think want to go to the coffee shop today though. I haven't seen the boy in over a week...i think it's about time.

i like them loud and crazy

KANYE CAPS TIME.....THE END....9 MIN TO LUNCH....CAN Y'ALLS TELL I'M BIZZORED?

sweeeet

hahahahahah
ahahahahlldldmoakddhaahlfldillllalaalallalalahololol

well that was entertaining. i just had a customer in here chit-chatting with me about this and that. this is one of the dudes who i thought was super hot when i first saw him...i still think he's hot..umkay. anywho, he wants to set me up with one of the guys he has working for him. his reasoning is that i seem like a quiet person and he's a quiet person. HA...i told him to send the dude in anyway. it's worth a shot. all i know about this dude is that he's sort of tall, well built-solid, quiet and he may smoke weed every now and again. how fun. so now i have to remember to look decent next week...if it happens...good times.

this job does have it's occassional perks. i'm still waiting on my meat from the original beard-man though. he never came back. boo.

fail

so i did none of the things i planned to do yesterday after work. i fail at sticking to plans. but then again i know that when i write these to-dos down, i'm hoping that they help to get me to do stuff...but yesterday's list didn't help. now i feel like fail...but it's okay. how about i don't make a list for today and just see what i get done? sounds good.

my left shoulder is feeling out of place/sore....

i miss my peppers.

i am a bad dog-owner

the end y'all...it's friday.

ps. stains the dog reminds me of some dude i saw a couple times...kinda sad..
that he looks like stains...that's the sad part. i wonder what he and his penis are up to these days?

this just in

we're not going to the swim class today...so i guess it's over. i'm free. now i have time to go home and get shit done....now i have to choose not to sit on my duff and watch the time fly...
Game Plan

1. get home
2. tidy up kitchen right quick
3. check to see if it's not too windy to go for a walk
4. make that food thing with barley and mushrooms
5. laundry?
6. call bike shop...maybe i can take it in tomorrow after work to get fixed.
7. listen to records
8. do BL workout video-strength training
9. pack lunch early
10. go to sleep early

i really want to get all of this done today.

24 min...the final final countdown

i'm so excited. i'm thinking of making something i've never made before. i doubt it's original but i don't care. this is going to be packed with fiber, protein, vitamins...all the good stuff...
i have lots of mushrooms i have to use soon and celery...so i'm going to saute both of these with onion until cramelized...then i'm going to start cooking some quinoa and barley together and add the veggies...i'm thining of adding some beans into this as well...then there's the spices...

i'm thinking maybe a bay leaf, thyme, salt and pepper and chili powder....

can't wait to make this but i have to...today is the last swim class, then i can reclaim my tuesdays and thursdays...

47minutes...the final countdown

my arms are sore...damn you water aerobics....

today at lunch time i talked to a friend and he decided he will come visit me sometime in april. good times ahead...they'd be even better times is we were in cali, but whatev. we're going to ride the tram to the top of sandia peak while really razzled. that should be fun.

i want to go home and watch my movie and eat a fudge bar. instead i'm going to the swim lesson.....but i'm soooo tired. okay, that's enough bitching. time to try to write a letter on the low-down.

fb-revisited

wow...i just now had to force myself out of facebook because i was starting to get that feeling in my stomach, sort of like an aching. this is the feeling i get when i see too much of other ppl's lives and i think i want what they have. just looking at one picture of someone with a cup up to their mouth, out in the evening, gets me to thinking about the fun they're probs having. FB is not for ppl who can get obsessive, like me, for example.

i get to thinking: i want to be cute, i want to have friends, i want a boyfriend, i want this and that and a bag of baked chips, umkay. but how much of this do i really want? is my reaction pretty much programed...in the sense that my ego is quick to jump in and fuck shit up? i think so. i've been trying to maintain a drama-free life, and it's nice.

i know that eventually i will go batshitfuckingcrazy if i don't make friends, but for now i will live. maybe i'm rationalizing, but i think it's good for me to be alone right now. i think of it in the long run, like, if i can get along alone for this long, it'll build up my tolerance or something like that....idk. sort of like when i lived next door to the crack house...i knew that whatever came next would be a step up...and it was. so i guess, patience is what i have to learn.

the end...time to work

fractals

so i'm going to this show again...i just wish i had someone to go with. and i also wish that there were less children there...they cramp my razzle-style.

thursday...hells yes

so far, 9 minutes into my work day, it's not too bad. i'm eating my b-fast sandwich, which is like a normal sandwich except i added grilled-flat mushrooms and i grilled the turkey and paired it with swiss and the whole grain bread...it's all melty and delicioius. two slices of turkey will ensure that i'm not hungry for a while. i brought cantaloupe today. it's nice and sweet. anywho...oh shit..i just remembered that i forgot to grab my bathing suit and towel for todays swim class....hmmm

anywho, whatev. my mom sent me a birthday package. it is the bomb. i'm wearing this really nice purple v-neck sweater she sent me and i'm drinking some of the tea as well. she sent me everything...kitchen gadgets, socks, tea, notepads, candles, natural soap, other bath products and some really nice and comfy sandals...go mom.

for reals...it was right on the money...one week from saturday and i will no longer be 25, but 26.

the end...time to read some articles and eat my b-fast...

ps. the first song pandora played today was "Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying" by belle and sebastian. this must be a good sign

is it time to go yet?

no, rachel, it's not. you still have 28 minutes left in your work day. how wonderful....what to do????file? no, organize? nah...plan my costco shopping list? don't mind if i do
To Buy
1. sliced turkey breast meat
2. swiss cheese
3. mini babybel cheese
4. fuji apples
5. ????

guess i don't need that many things...maybe some other stuff that i need will pop out at me once i get there. okay time to get my stuff together...and i need to repaint my nails before i go. Need...yeah, right...you know i don't give a fuck, but black is so nice. too bad it chips/flakes off super quickly...

can i get drunk off this banana?

okay y'all, so i just ate this banana and it tasted kind of like alcohol. maybe i should've eaten it before i got a nice shade of mostly brown, but i thought, hey it's organic, it should still be good. well i ate it anyways....hopefully it doesn't eff with me. but really, can something alcoholic be made from a banana. kind of like in prison, they can get creative and make their alcohol in a bag in a sock, or something like that. i'm sure they could work with the banana.

mo money mo probs...no money, even more problems

What up with that, yo?

Even though business seems to be slowing down, i find myself to be busier than balls. This business world thing is tough...i don't know if i'm cut out for it. I dislike deeply the pettiness asscociated with making money.

Anywhozle...i'm tired....i want to see coffee-shop guy but i know that i should exercise instead. There are more benefits to be had from that than from going, seeing him, then thinking about the details and wondering if i made a fool of myself.

I think i was probs obvious with him...hello, that's my MO. that's how i roll, unfortunately. Many moons ago in college we used to have many parties. One of these parties was attended by this dude who gave me a total boner and who was also friends with my roommates. I was dranking and we were talking, and out of nowhere he's like, "you like me right?"....Um yeah, how did you know. Him, "It's obvious." and end scene....foolio straight up called me out on it, but he did nothing productive to the situation. he was just like, yeah i know, now you know i know....and i still don't like you. fucker.

wow...good times.

back to work i guess...i better be pms'ing. oh period, where are you?

oh man

i'm like out of it, for reals. i woke up at 6:30, and only because my friend called for our morning chat on the drive to work. i popped out of bed and got ready. good thing i did everything last night. i was having these gnarly dreams...i'm in this old dilapitated building, and i have to fight these zombie dogs/people and there's an alien robot thing. me and two others finally take them all down. then one of them tags the place to leave our crew name...i don't know. next thing i know i'm in this bomb ass thrift store. i see this lovely little chair with awesome upholstery that i want to get. it's only 28 dollars yo...sweet, not....a group of young hispter like people walk in from another area of the store and one girl tells me she already had dibs on it....i don't fight her. i go to explore the rest of the store and everything is fascinating but i touch something and it falls. basically i feel really clumsy in here..
i want that chair in real life. I think i may have seen something like that at the salvation army once. maybe this dream is telling me to go to the thriftstore. i hope i see it in real life. i would maybe get it. i wouldn't want to bring an infested chair home though...you never know. one minute it's all good, next minute you have a new chair and new friends...mice, roaches....

my arms are incredibly sore from yesterdays water aerobics class. i stayed to swim after the tots class was over. i did that for an hour, then i did a water aerobics class for another hour. it was fun. now i'm tired. the end.....

i need to drink this blasted tea so that i can eat b-fast....

WTF

one minute i'm down, the next i'm up...one minute i don't want to work out, the next i wish i was...i don't know what's going on with me. Anywho, i burnt my tongue with my green tea....blargh.

so i was thinking about going to the coffee shop today but i think i'll be going to the park to walk instead. i'm not feeling 100% or even 90% cute today and i don't want to go into the lion's den unprepared.

i've been telling more people about my change in lifestyle...about trying to get healthy and lose weight. this is a good thing because i'm now more accountable, but then i also feel more pressure, even though i shouldn't. i'm not doing it for anyone but me, but since i've blabbed about it already i feel like i need to keep trucking and really give it my all. One of my friends is already thinking of a smaller rachel...now that i think about it, that's a good idea. i need to use more visualization. i also need to get my bike fixed....i want to ride it by the river...what what?

maybe i can get that done this week and be on the bike by friday. then i have to get that toy car out of the elliptical so i can finally use it...no excuses. the excuse i use most is that i have to clean before i do things. par example, my car is a hot mess, my laundry is all over the hall, another hot mess, the bathroom needs a scrubdown, the garage is crazy and there are weeds outside calling me to pull them. in conclusion i have lots of shit to do so i need to make a schedule to tackle it all. wow, i'm coming up with pretty good ideas to get it done and do things i want to do as well. I just finished reading my friends blog so i think that helped. It was about stuff you learn in therapy.

http://whoneedstherapy.com/ ?????? i do

I declare the war is over

I love Phil Ochs...thanks to that one dude i met randomly through the internet many moons ago. If i think about tracing back where things came from, it can get interesting. i've been thinking about memories and objects and how they become meaningful. Today during my walk, when Tree asked for a hug, after he was commenting on my t-shirt that had a tree on it. I can now say something interesting happened to me in that shirt. There is now a memory to go with it. I won't forget Tree, the cute, bearded, tall, deep-voiced, shirtless homeless dude.

Or right...i was going to talk about things i wish i could do. I wish i could somehow thin down peanut butter and stick it in a spraw bottle of sorts so that i could spray it onto popcorn. This is what i think about. I've tried dipping the popcorn in the peanut butter but it takes too long and the PB is too hard...the corn breaks.

I need to find other things to think about.

FO FATTY

sweet

i'm watching Gossip Girl at work. i was bummed when i missed it last week, now i can catch up.

I just ate my grapefruit. I feel like i need something more...i wish i had made that beer bread...i guess i can make it today.

23 Days

In 23 days i will have to go to the airport to pick up my friends. The excitement is mounting. I've been lagging on the making plans though. I'm sure we will have loads of fun, I just want to get some feedback before i make plans.

Monday again....my weekend was pretty awesome. Friday after therapy I went to the co-op to buy some stuff, then i went home and pretty much chillaxed and called it an early night (10pm). It was glorious. I love sleep and I really haven't been getting enough of it. I get up, officially, at 9 am to get ready to go to the zoo with my nephew, niece and sister-in-law. It takes me an hour to get ready but once i'm done, i walk over to my bro's house. It was such a nice warm day that when we got there the lines were uber long. We spent a couple hours there. I was running around with my nephew and lifting him up to see the animals. We had lunch there. I was tempted to get a burger but at the last minute got a chef salad instead...We walked around some more and eventually called it a day.

I didn't end up doing too much on Saturday evening. I was pretty much a lazy bum. Fell asleep on the couch...woke up at 7, went to bed...woke up at noon. Despite this, I got a lot of shit done. I cleaned the kitchen, started organizing the bills, sorted laundry, made some bomb ass-soup, listened to hella records, exercised, showered, razzled and slept.

I woke up too early today but it turned out well. I got to drink my tea, sort more papers, take out the trash and recyclables, feed the dogs and play with peppers before coming to work.

Now i'm looking forward to lunch time so that i can eat and walk at the park. the end.

These past few days i've been dreaming. I can only remember little snippets. What i can remember from the dreams is that there were at least two instances when dudes were liking me. Both times these guys were black. I wonder what that means...i'm open to that. it could just be the regular case of the hornies that i always have..who knows. Another awesome tidbit of dream i remember is sitting at the piano and beginning to play along with some other people who were playing other instruments. It was sooo awesome and freeing, being able to play without knowing how to. I can still sort of remember how it sounded...not bad.

I can perform in my dreams...now if only i could sell tickets for that. Maybe in the future.

I LIKE THIS

and this



i need to see this movie again

damn you craigslist

you see i love check out what's available for rent...but then it kills me that realistically i can't move out yet...savings..i need savings. anywho, one day i will live near somewhere fun. i'm torn actually. i like my house...it's just so far away from everything...but then again i like that isolated feel as well....
i'm just a big bundle of contradictions.

Bread?

why yes, don't mind if i do.

everyday i spend about 1-2 hours looking up recipes. today seems to be bread day, or rather, today is the day i want to make bread. i have decided on a beer bread and a poppy-chamomile-lemon bread. hopefully they turn out good....yummm bread....

i feel restless and i still have 2.5 hours until my lunch. WTF?

yesterdays swim class w/my nephew went really well. there were only 2 other kids there. we had so much fun and my arms got a nice little workout. next week i'm taking my own car there so that i can stay afterwards for Free Swim. Had i known that there was swimming for regular folks afterwards i would've driven myself sooner. so it's on next week. i love swimming...or rather floating but when there's tons of people it's best to swim and not just float around like a loaf.

For Reals?

Yes. For reals. But, why?

So today i was late 4 minutes. I think i'm still half asleep. My eyelids seem to not want to stay open. I heard my alarm, once, at 6:30am, giving me 10 minutes to get out of there, which of course didn't happen.

Anywho, i'm sore all over. I need to go to sleep early during the weekend, caus it aint hapenning during the week. I should make it happen. I didn't even have time to make my tea at home...so now i'm doing it at work. I think i'm hungry....

I had a fucked up dream...all i remember is little bloody body parts. I was watching The Cider House Rules before I went to sleep. I think that explains it. At times I was sympathetic to both cases...but I know that i ultimately don't support abortion...Lame, i know, but whatev.

Okay, i think it's time to brush my hair for the first time today. The fingers i used at home don't count.

random music

i wonder if there's a club where you can recieve random mix-cd's...i can actually accept tapes...still have a player yo. i just miss the joys of having someone make me a music cd, of popping it in and hoping that the music is good.

i feel tired right now...or sleepy...i could go for a nap. i could also go for some new razzle equipment, umkay....

today is swimming with the tots. i'm looking forward to the water, not the carrying around of the child though. i wish there was a pool i could use right now and just float and do little flips. it's warm outside...i'm going to be dying when summer arrives.

okay the end....7 more minutes then it's time to jet...woohoo.

Thursday....how the time does fly.

"so sick so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick"
Taking Back Sunday -You Know How I Do

yes...i have this CD...and yes i do enjoy it.

EXERCISE + RAZZLE = FUN TIMES

I feel so energized. I took a walk in the park today. I went along the whole perimeter this time...the last times i cut through the middle because i didn't want to explore the unknown. i am a wimp sometimes....but i did it today.

i think it's funny to see other walkers because i go by them 3-4 times and i still don't know what to do. That is to say, if people are looking up i like to say, "hey" and smile...or just smile...or a hand wave. But some walkers are not having it. No smile...that's cool, i guess.

Anywho...i calculated how much i walked and it turned out to be more than i thought. Who knows, i might actually start dropping pounds soon...but back to the main topic...This combo of movement and razzle-dazzling in nature rules. i just walk around and look at the budding leaves...the sun shining through...okay the end.
I can go on and on in this dreamy state, well, probs for about 15 min. more.

I want to bake something. I can make beer bread. Yum...and now that i'm burning calories i can actually eat some baked goods.


okay 1 hour left to work. gotta get shit done, you know?

yes you do.

<3

i want to wrap myself up in this...
i love the feeling i get when listening to this man's voice.

good morning y'all

i woke up at 6:30am. mind you i try to leave the house by 6:40. but despite this, i was only 1 min. late and i find myself uber awake.

i took an hour-long walk by the river, yesterday after work. i want to do it again.

i think today i will file. oh how exciting my life. i've been putting it off, but today is the day folks.

i had a dream. this guy named gabe was in it. i don't remember what happened. the end.

i have a brand new bocce set that is begging to be played. i need to find someone to play with. craigslist? no wackos

no hay nadie como tu

es la verdad...

what's up yo? is it this retrograde going on that's making funny shit happen? no, i don't know anything of those matters...but my friend would say yes...funny things are happening.
today i decided to go get tea instead of going to the park. i did the usual...razzled...then went in, and there he was, and today he took my order. i remembered to smile, then i tried to make chit chat about the tea. that guys smile has got me sprung...or sprungish for now. anywho...it was cool sort of interacting again. i dont' have the plague...plz don't avoid me.

the end.

earlier it was slow...now it's busy...i should be working.

tingley beach=after work destination for walking. do it rachel.

boo hoo#1

i look at this little piece of you,
an extention of the work of your hands
and mind,
and wonder if i hold it long enough
will you feel it?

i wouldn't want to coerce you though.
no, it wont' work. i'll let it go now
and just look.

i still can't help to think
how your hand worked it over...how
your fingers touched it all.

now, the only remnant of our discourse
is there, looking at me with no eyes
and a hollow chest...bare but for a wire heart.

holy crow it's a slow day

well, i guess things are slowing down here now....i don't want to think what this means though...

anywho...homeboy at the record store through in this record The Inner Mounting Flame by the Mahavishnu Orchestra for frizzle, because i was getting another record by them. he said there was one song that was amazing. it's called You Know You Know...
good song name. anywho, i listened to it on the record and really enjoyed it. it is long.



So i made the barley soup again last night, but i don't think it turned out as good as the first time. For starters, this time i used collard greens instead of kale...i used a variety of dried mushrooms and fresh mushrooms...and no chicken this time. So basically it's a weird mushroom soup. And i say 'weird' because these mushrooms do look kind of frightening floating in the soup. Perhaps i should've chopped them up. Oh wells...

If i have time, tonight I am going to make the corn soup.

it feels almost like swimming

or rather, the feeling you get after swimming. that feeling of satisfaction accompanied by the desire to lounge. this is how i feel after that walk in the park. next time i'm going to imagine that i'm swimming through the trees. with my vivid imagination and the help of the razzle i think i can achieve this.
my legs feel used...sore. hey, i used my legs...totes gnarl.

wow...now i'm just making shit up.
but for reals...i'm back at work and i feel so la-di-da...

i love it.

time to finish eating my lunch...then work...

neil young's cd Silver & Gold is pretty good tunage to chill and drive around to. i shall listen to it on the way to costco....

i actually like the freeways here now...

monday again y'all

so this workday is more than halfway done. lunch in 1/2 an hour....then 2 more hours of work...then off to costco to buy some spinach and probs some other stuff. i found all these bomb-ass soup recipes so i'm going to try one tonight. maybe the corn chowder one....

anywhozle. i'm going for a walk at the park today. i can already see the prob i will encounter. my pants falling down or me pulling them up every 3 minutes...annoying, but maybe that counts as some sort of arm workout?

Speak to Me/Breathe

oh Pink Floyd how you take me back to college. i used to listen to you in between classes, next to that one building where film kids watched movies in class...anywho, i'd sit on the grass under the trees and lay back and look at the sky...

or back at stardust, when the temperature was just right and the sunlight and breeze came in through the window. the curtain flapping idly. the light filtering in. the smoke in the air. the chess games that were played. oh how you make me crazy when you come back to me so vividly.

walking in the rain. wearing skirts and a scarf and my tennis shoes w/velcro.
i miss being more adventurous.

here's to making my own adventures.

oh you know...just now eating for the first time today

Grilled cheese w/Jarlsberg cheese and roast turkey breast
Yogurt w/garlic, cucumber, dill and lemon
Red bell pepper

time to do laundry

dinner time

yum...i love my dinner tonight. it is
1.Red potatos w/dill, whole grain mustard, red onions, sour cream (red. fat), pepper, red pepper flakes, and shredded gruyere
2. Salmon cooked sous-vide, then topped with sun-dried tomatoes, herbs and shredded gruyere and cooked in toaster oven until melty
3. asparagus w/olive oil, dill, thyme, and pepper roasted in toaster oven...
the end.

i want a beer.

i spent most of today listening to records. i got the Woodstock original recordings record...i really love Arlo Guthrie's song Coming into Los Angeles

Saturday is here....

and i actually woke up not too early. now i'm looking at my surroundings wondering what to tackle first. i ended up going to the record store and then to the co-op yesterday. i got some good stuff. sometimes i want to ask the record-store owner man if he can recommend anything. i'm on the waiting list for the Santogold and Diplo collab/remix thingy. He was playing it in the store...it's so good. anywho...the end. now i'm just procrastinating.

the first thing i wanted to do when i woke up was go for a walk. okay....first i'm going to take out the compost, trash and outgoing mail...then it's walk time...
fur realz.

meh

i had way higher hopes for my most recent BM. oh wells...1.5 hours left...still a change to redeem myself.

ooh i just remembered...i finally talked to my neighbors again, whom i've been avoiding cuz i was in hardcore hermit phase...but anywho, i visited with them last night and we caught up and stuff...then bette told me about this doctor she's seeing, a practitioner of eastern medicine....
anywho...my BM story reminded me of him because he asks about that stuff...i'm prepared to answer that question...i need to make an appointment. maybe he can help lose weight w/some chinese herbs, accupuncture and meditation...sounds like fun.

the end...now back to work for reals...

i hate feeling like my coworkers might now i'm going in there for a BM....oh wells
everyone poops.

Best Lunch Ever!!!

okay so that may have been a little dramatic, but i really did have a splendid lunch and lunchtime. for starters, i ate my barley-mushroom-kale-and chicken soup before i actually went to lunch. so i got that out of the way then i went to 7-11 and got some gas and stuff (no cigs-yay). next i headed over to roosevelt park and did a 30 minute walk w/cool down and all. it was sooooo nice looking at the trees and all the creepy old men just sitting in their cars on the perimeter of the park. this might help me with my homeless issue as well. if i become a regular maybe i'll start to get to know the peeps who kick it at the park. it could be like the stardust days and Slim. I wonder if he's still around Spudnuts asking for money and prefacing that request with a long story of his woes?

i razzle before the walk so that i can focus on the walk and the nature...then i razzle after as well...and now i'm back at work. i clocked in at the exact right time that i had to.

now i'm wondering what i should do after work today because it's friday bitches....
options (may combine)
1. record store (want to get the latest Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks record)
2. old town-ppl watching and doodling
3. walk by the river/nature trails
4. la montanita co-op-need more kefir and buckwheat..probs some more kale and onions
5. i would put get a drink up here but i know i won't do that...bummer
6. bookstore?
7. guild cinema-movies at 7:30 and 10pmish
8. ??????
9. lucky #9=clean house (really need to do this)

now it's time t work....desafortunadamente

))<>((

FB

facebook is a time-sucker. it's so easy to see everyone you ever knew and then some...it def. feeds into my voyeuristic tendencies but i had to log off. there is no point right now in looking at people who i don't talk to. oh social networking...what a ? something...

my stomach is staying, "Feed me that barley, kale, mushroom and chicken soup already."

i know....me sooo hungry.

i'm still eating too much fiber..WTF
the end.

12 more minutes of work...then 1 hour of freedom.

time will show the wiser

my eyes burn

i just want to take a 6 hour nap. i managed to get up on time today so that's good but my eyes are burning like a mofo. i think it's because last night i watched Nights in Rodanthe. I was crying like a fool, umkay. I knew when i rented it that it would be one of those movies. Why? Why? Why richard gere? Just thinking about it makes me wanna start crying all over again. the end. i love these movies. I like Diane Lane. Not too long ago I watched The Fabulous Stains, which stars Diane Lane when she was a kid.

i can haz nap?

NO

new yoooooooooork

Nina Hagen's New York New York


i like artists who don't give a fuck

btw...i totally have 5 neil young and 1 belle and sebastian record coming my way.

Neil Young

I'm all about Neil Young right now. Better late than never. I think his voice is interesting. I like those high pitch squeekies. By the end of today i will hopefully have 5 of his records heading my way....or at least by the end of the day i would've won w/the highest bid on them. I'm already looking forward to getting them in the mail.

So....for the past, well since my mom left, i've been so LAZY. It's hitting me now just how bad this has been. Bad in the sense that i've lost all this time doing nothing but thinking about how i can do things. I say "The End" to that. What the hell am i doing with my time. No more squandering. I think i need to re-prioritize to get myself doing things again. I need to set short term goals and reach them. Okay so i'm working on losing weight, but all i'm doing right now is making my food. First off, i need to make a schedule, so that i can see how much time is available to me (it's a lot) then i need to fill those slots and stick to it. I know myself....i need to push myself like this. If i let myself choose, then i do nothing. Anywho, all of this was initially spurred on by reading an article in The Big Takeover #63...It was an interview with V. Dale and he talked about punk. What it means and stuff. Anywho, it reminded me to question, to be curious, to do, not to be complacent. There are so many things i want to learn...what is holding me back. I am holding me back. so today i say no more LAZINESS.

oh right...i was writing about neil young. anywhozle, can't wait for those records to be in my house, on my turntable.

21 more minutes to lunch. i have a sandwich and some veggie salad thing. i want to go to the coffee shop today. it is nice outside. i will sketch/doodle. i was not wanting to go because i started feeling like shit about how i look, but you know, it is what it is so i take it or leave it...can't leave it, so i take it.

bon matin!

i need to wake the fuck up.

wish-list

1. pasta maker machine
2. ice-cream machine
3. external hard-drive

both of these things can be made without the machines but it would take one million years...i need to find these items on the cheap...mayhaps i should try sears again?

i want to be making sorbets this summer and fresh ice-cream, yum. although i wouldn't be using the pasta machine everyday, it would be cool to be able to make my own fresh healthy pasta. the end.

monday again....don't lose your head

But she never lost her head
Even when she was given head
She says, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side
Said, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side
And the coloured girls go

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
(doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo)
(doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo)
(doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo)
(doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo)
(doo)

Lou Reed, "Take a walk on the wild side"

i love the doo doo doo doo doo doo part.

i was one hour late to work today....all i have to say about this is, "fuck you daylight-savings time."

electro movimiento

i have a huge boner for this man

tasty friday treat

today def. feels like a Moldy Peaches kind of day.....
(i talked to my mother earlier...she agrees she needs to make changes...so yay, i'm going to help her w/that...now i can enjoy some crack)

i am terrified

i fear for my mother's health. the more i read, the more i think there is a good chance she could have diabetes. if this is true, i will be very upset/sad but i know that feeling that way will not accomplish anything. i'm going to keep insisting that she go to the doctor's office. this can be frustrating as well seeing that she has gone in the past and they haven't really helped. i think this has to do with her insurance, it's always the fucking insurance. if i was younger again i'd make my parents tell me, "we want you to succeed because living poor in America will kill you. You need money for the basics, like healthcare. you need a good insurance policy for any medical professional to take you seriously. they need their money."
anywho, i'm going to keep researchin diabetes, but i need my mom to go see the doctor. tests need to be taken. the thing that bothers her the most is when her legs fall alseep/feel numb...and her lower back. the leg numbness could be related to a diabetic neuropathy...or something like that. i just want to know so that we can see what we need to do. NEED to do. This is the thing, I don't want my mom to believe that she can't do anything to change her situation. We need a plan and i need to make sure she follows through. I don't want my mom to die just because she doesn't believe in herself.
this is the biggest obstacle in our relationship. i want a strong mother figure. i need someone to take control. but when problems come up, she seems helpless...almost like she's giving in. it's so frustrating. we'll see what happens.

Friday Fun Times

the week is over. yay.
i must forget at least one thing at home every morning. today i forgot to grab a spoon, so now i'm trying to eat my cereal with a fork. how fun. not really. whatev, i'm just glad it's friday. if my razzle comes through it will be all good. i'm going to see the fractal show today. that should be awesome as long as i don't experience anxiety from being around people.

so i gained .8 lbs this week. i hope that i start losing again but that's it. no more thinking about it. my coworker asked if i was losing weight yesterday. that's cool.

Yes, but still

So i live in the dessert now and i guess i used to live in the dessert in CA as well, technically, it's all dessert...but anywho, i'm overwhelmed with the desire to be in the wild...camping or something. i wish i could start taking road trips to small places and exploring. i wish i could drive somewhere and not have to return. but you always have to return...fuckin' work.

this needs to stop

I was late to work yet again. I drifted to sleep around 9:30ish pm in my jeans and all and woke up at 1am. I got up and made my lunch and breakfast for today, I picked my clothes (i'm wearing a sweats-sweater thingy...never thought i'd live to see this day) and i jumped in the shower. This was all good. What i shoudn't have done was razzle then watch Poker at Night, PBS and some infomercial. For reals. I go back to sleep at 3:48 am. Maybe i shouldn't be so surprised that i was late...
whatev.
so i weigh myself when i wake up in the middle of the morning. the number went up. why? whyyyyy? i'm not going to get discouraged because i know i've been eating relatively well and i've begun to do some exercise. Hopefully next week the number will have gone down. we'll see....
anywhozle, today is swimming w/the tots day again. That should be fun. I tried to get my stuff ready so i wouldn't have to go home...but i forgot my contact lenses...so i either go at lunch or just end up going home afterwards anyway, defeating the purpose of trying to get ready ahead.

i think i was having some wild and crazy dreams last night...but i dont' remember. I finished watching Park Chan Wook's Trilogy series. They were really good. Very very good and disturbing. Oldboy, Sympathy for Mr.Vengeance, Lady Vengeance. Next on my cue i have some american movies about working and how tedious it is...and a movie about youngun's entering the real world, and how tedious that it....preach it.

restroom time

ARGH

sometimes i really really dislike my brother. sometimes i just want to beat him. he makes himself a completely useless person when it comes to his children. he can play the stupid-ass motherfucking xbox, but he can't watch his daughter for like 40 minutes so that i can go for a walk w/his wife. i don't like going over there. i feel bad for my sister-in-law....i feel bad for all of them. i can't wait for those kids to grow up so they can leave that place. it just seems like such a waste. hi, hello, you're just like our father. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN. i really don't think it's a good thing to blast the volume on the tv when your playing shooting video games...these are baby ears. we are adults. they will be deaf. it's just so sad and i want to avoid it like the plague. i don't think i can ever be close with my brother for these reasons. the end.

the males in my family ruin it for me. they make me not want to get married. ever. fuck that and fuck you...you push children out of your body then let me ignore you while you do all the work.

i'm working on these isses in therapy. what should happen is that i shouldn't be bothered by it because it's their family, their choices, everyone chooses what they want to do and put up with...so que sera sera. i just can't ever go over there.

my worlde

brought to you by wordle.net

idol...

so i watched American idol last night...and i found myself really liking a few ppl. i like this dude's, Nathaniel Marshall, attitude...i just like him. i really liked this performance...it was funny/good.


next up we have Ju'not Joyner...i was like really digging this...


when i saw Jorge Nunez, i really wanted to vote for him because he's Latino. but then i tried calling afterwards and it was busy, so that was that...we'll just have to wait and see who makes it through...i didn't really think the blind dude was that awesome. the judges were just lavishing praises on him...they expect him to be a shoe-in.

i also really enjoyed this lady's song. Kendal Beard
it is wholesome...and i like the country


Ariana Afsar-she was all over the place but i liked it.


WTF...I'm trying to post this thing. tell me why are ppl asking me to do stuff...why are ppl walking in asking questions. i need uninterupted blogging time yo. there are two white guys in here now. one of them looked cute but i'm not going to look again. je suis le shy...and je ne suis pas dressed as i should be and my hair is not cute today...umkay...

raspberries

it was only until i purchased some rasPberries this past week, that i discovered their spelling. For reals, there is a "P" in there? Yes, the answer is yes. This changes everything. All this time i was thinking they were rasberries, or maybe even something with a 'z'. but no, je suis wrong.
anywho, i had some w/cereal for b-fast this morning and as i examined one of the berries (i turned it inside out to examine the structure), i was reminded of Hasan Fathy's domed structures in Egypt. Is this a sign i miss architecture, or just a sign i miss thinking? i'm going for the second one. i guess i miss talking to ppl about intellectual pursuits. i mean i don't like the idea of being in a conversation where i don't know what to contribute because i feel inadequately prepared on the subject. But i guess i can talk about some subjects for more than a few minutes. yes, i miss the smart-ish talk.

human interactions...amazing. where did they go? i guess moving to a completely new place can do that. i need to get over it.

i was 17 minutes late to work today. i woke up at 6:38am. my body is sore. i did the swimming with the kids yesterday. it was really a blast. my nephew is sooo adorable. pinche mama's boy, gotta love him. anywho, there was that, then later at home i did a Biggest Loser weight training workout. i was actually squeezing my muscles. i think i was doing it correctly becuase i can feel it today. okay, the end. i have work to do. i just want to sleep. i want to be snuggly in bed, falling asleep to a movie. well it's hump-day so the weekend is not that far.

today is my mother's birthday. she and my dad are in vegas visiting my sister. they are looking at houses. my sister is going to buy a house. that's cool. i guess that means she'll never move to NM. oh wells....

one month...then my birthday.

no doubt will be playing a show here at one of the casinos soon. the tickets go on sale this saturday. i was actually considering buying a ticket. it's no doubt man...not gwen solo..i don't like that stuff, but no doubt is diff....i wish someone would befriend me so we could go. fuck it, i live in new mexico...does it even matter now that i want to see them. i feel like i can get away with things here.....like being stalker-ish. the end.

great...

THIS IS THE JAM

It'll be a mini-reunion!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, i am using exclamation points because i'm so excited about this....ahhhhahhhahhhh. So two of my really good friends are getting married later on this year and the group will be back together again for a few days. Kuh-Ray-Z...that's my rap name. KRZ....anywho back to message at hand, we will be reunited and it should be a blast. now i really have to focus on regular exercise in order to lose the maximum amount of weight. it would be a dream if i could get under 200...we'll see how it goes. yes i am huge, but i'm working on it. it does help to think that i will see these ppl again...one in particular, a guy, taken but still, i dont' care...umkay....




this is the future bride and that's another friend...they rule. that is the old porch in the ghetto. oh how i miss drinking in the middle of the day.

don't do it

i used to live here

3131 S. McClintock Ave. H371

is it just me or were Personal Questionnaires more interesting back in the day....not that i ever really did them....really...no really.

To rachel From Jeremy: hey baby. my comp is still dead so im sending this from class.
Monday, May 1, 2000 11:31 AM
From:
"Jeremy"
View contact details
To:
"rachel"
Dear rachel,

I filled out the most ridiculous personal questionnaire! I think you will get a kick out of the questions and my answers! Then YOU should do it too!love you rachel

After you read my answers (in this email below),
you should fill out the questionnaire yourself
so that I can see YOUR answers at...

http://my.smartbotpro.net/me/?t=rachel&f=Jeremy

or click here!


OK, here are my answers!!


WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT RACHEL?

how she still talks to me after its been a long time since we last chatted. its not my fault the computer died.

WHAT IS PRINTED ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?

something to do with forests

DO YOU REMEMBER THE NAME OF YOUR SECOND GRADE TEACHER?

its a funny name but i least i remember: mrs.dinkle

HAVE YOU EVER HELPED AN ELDERLY PERSON CROSS THE STREET? WOULD YOU?

no...but i would

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? IF YES, WHAT SONGS?

ummmmm.... just some rock songs

IS YOUR BELLY BUTTON AN "INNY" OR "OUTIE" ? WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR LINT?

inny i think. i dispose of it in the shower

HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN UP AND DANCED WHEN YOU VISITED A DANCING WEBPAGE?

no.

ARE YOU SANE?

sometimes

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? WHO WON?

yep. i did. i hit the bitch in the nose, and he bled a puddle. no joke

IF YOU WERE INVISIBLE, WHERE WOULD BE THE FIRST PLACE YOU WOULD GO?

come see rachel ***(this now sounds kind of creepy)

BURGER KING OR MCDONALDS FRIES? WHAT MAKES THEM BETTER?

burger king. cuz burger king rules. mcdonalds sucks ass.

DO YOU EVER PASS GAS IN FRONT OF ANYONE? AND IF SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY RIGHT BEFORE AND AFTER YOU DO IT?

my friends. i say nuthing

CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS?

nope

HAVE YOU EVER DIALED 867-5309? DO YOU KNOW WHY WE ASKED?

no and no

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET?

i used to be. before my comp died

HAVE YOU EVER THROWN A SOLID OBJECT AT A MOVING VEHICLE?

some eggs

WOULD YOU EVER APPEAR AS A GUEST ON JERRY SPRINGER? WHAT WOULD BE THE TITLE OF THAT SHOW?

lets not and say i did. hahaha just kidding

HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED STOMACH ILLNESS IN MEXICO?

never been there

DO YOU DROOL ON YOUR PILLOW? IF YES, DO YOU EVER SMELL IT?

sometimes. when im bored and cant sleep

WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?

junk. ive recently cleaned under there

DO YOU DREAM IN COLOR?

yep

WHICH LEG DO YOU PUT FIRST INTO YOUR PANTS?

the hell if i know

DO YOU LAUGH WHEN SOMEBODY FALLS?

only the person deserves it

HAVE YOU EVER HELD UP A BANK, CONVENIENCE STORE OR LIQUOR STORE?

i would never dream of it

DO YOU SALT OR PEPPER YOUR FOOD BEFORE YOU TASTE IT?

sometimes

ARE YOU SICK OF "WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE" YET?

no.... cuz i never watch it

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? MAGIC MARKERS? GLUE? TAR? SKUNK? WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELLS?

only the smelly markers. the blueberry ones are the best

DO YOU OWN A RECLINER? (The authors of these questions definitely need psychiatric help!)

my parents did but it got old and broke

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME THAN ANSWER THESE RIDICULOUS QUESTIONS?

being in class getting work done. but doing that is so f****ing boring

WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU WISH TO SAY TO RACHEL?

See the answer to my *FAVORITE* question at...

http://my.smartbotpro.net/me/?t=rachel&f=Jeremy




hmm...maybe i should visit the link to see what jeremy had to say.

I Used To Have Game

Re:
Tuesday, June 20, 2000 8:34 AM
From:
"))<>((@aol.com"
Add sender to Contacts
To:
me@yahoo.com

why don't u hear that much???
i think ur pretty hott. well at least
in my mind. if u ever wanna call me
my # is (^@^) (^&-^(#^
calll me whenever and tell me what
u think of me. i already know ur gonna
say "kyle ur a jerk and ur sick. i hate
u and never wanna talk to you again".
but hey u never know. so call me
anytime i don't know when u get up.
o and the reason im up so early is b/c
i fell out of my bed and it hurt.
remember don't bust a nut.
ouch my thong is riding up. see u later
sincerely
kyle

--------------80-----0---098---------09t5

maybe this is why i like dudes in dresses and skirts. did kyle plant the seed?

ps...well at least in my mind...FTW

i love beatles covers.

this is what i discovered today when i found myself buying this record:

the last puff
Spooky Tooth
Featuring Mike Harrison

i bought this when i saw their first song: I Am The Walrus. good times. they're pretty good. this is good lets get fucked up music...but then again, what isn't? anywhozer, i also got some
Neil Young-Are You Passionate?(newer stuff)
Why?-Alopecia (i'm looking forward to this one)
Yes-The Yes Album
The Chocolate Jam Co.-The Spread of the Future,
Warren Zevon (this might be iffy...we'll see, it's kind of countryish but one of the songs sounded good).

Have i mentioned i love buying records. The only thing that is missing to make the perfect record listening experience is someone or something to flip the record over when it's done...and put the next one on while they're at it.

The ceviche turned out pretty good. Not sure what to make next. i'm jonesing a smoothie.

******
i don't know how but i ended up on this video. then i watched it. that is all.

stuck in the middle with you

clowns to the left of me
joker to the right
here i am
stuck in the middle with you

i lurve this song right now. shout out to pandora for playing it yo. this is one of those songs that make me just want to stand up and dance. it's a 'what? i don't give an eff" kind of song. at least that's how it feels to me. my impulse to dance to this reminded me of the Chappelle Show skit that features chappelle and john mayer playing guitar music and when the white ppl hear it they get up and dance. am i turning into a white ppls?

the thing is i also dance when i hear the drums and the keyboards...so i'm good. the ethnic in me is still present.

i am doing a neil young sketch....i missed drawing. it's so meditative. the end.
i have one hour left to do all this work..boo.

after work i am going to the record store since i didn't go this weekend. today is the day. i just have to remember not to be too long in there...i'm supposed to go for a walk with Marie and the kids.

all i want to do is paint and cook and draw and read and look at cute bearded-men and feel their hairs.



i think his nose has to be bigger and that eye should've been more at an angle...oh wells

i now understand Quagmire's giggity giggity

i totally just did the 'giggity-giggity.' only after did i realize that i did it. i just printed two pictures, one of Neil Young and one of Stephen Malkmus, because i want to draw them...these two put together=one coffee shop guy. i am blown away at this discovery. one day i will tell him this. for now i'll just have to 'giggity' by myself w/these photos.

it's monday and i'm back to my old tricks

my trick being finding ways to procrastinate. i'm going to try to finish watching Sympathy For Mr.Vengeance today, hopefully in time to pop it in the mail box. this past weekend was too short. i want more lounging time.

i'm making ceviche today. i was going to make it yesterday but i didn't think the fish had cooked all the way through in the lemon juice...blah blah blah...boring.

right now i'm getting really annoyed at/with work. i get this way when there is a problem that is fixable, i just have to ask...i don't like asking. blargh...why can't i just know what to do. the end. i am so over today.